Blog #2 Wii Remote`s Letter

Dear chubby kid who uses me all the time,

I think you should get your obese butt off the couch where you always grip me with that sweaty hand and get outside to get a life. I mean the moment you come home from school, you always flop onto the couch and turn on the Wii. I then get used for at least 2 hours straight and get to hear you grunt and sweat as you fail to play a random game. Don't you have a life?! If you were a normal kid, you'd probably be playing some sport or riding your skateboard after school but since you're a fat lazy cow, all you do is play games. Haven't you noticed the cellulite on you stomach and your behind? Well I've certainly noticed it, and every time I get crushed under that gross thing that you call a butt, my battery goes dead. My battery is basically my life and it has gone dead about 27 times already, so basically if I was a human, you would have killed me 27 times because of your cellulite. Don't you think that's just the teeniest bit disgusting? Oh, I also have another deal to settle with you, I've noticed recently that your already blubbery hand has gotten even fatter and because of this, I am over heating quite often and each time I over heat, I faint and disconnect. Me and you both find it horrible so I demand you to stop growing fatter! If you're going to whine about not being able to lose all that pudginess, my buddy the Wii has pictures to prove otherwise. Mr.Wii, as we shall call him, has connections to Santa's secret army of elf spies, as mentioned in my previous post, and he has been able to obtain pictures of you before you received me and Mr. Wii. In those pictures, you are quite skinny and look fit and normal. It is when you obtained us that you became a fat loser and as loving gaming devices of yours, we will present you with 2 options. Either you go outside and become fit or we will self destruct. If you think that we are bluffing, just you wait and soon enough you'll see 2 little, tiny mushroom clouds erupt in your living room. Remember, your loving gaming devices will ALWAYS be watching over you. <3

Sincerely, The Wii controller and his buddy the Mr. Wii